Imagine, as you read this, a four-hundred-twenty pound man, sweating profusely and struggling just to breathe. You now have an adequate image of KFC’s target demographic for their new sandwich: the Double Down!
"Not while I'm eating!"
What the hell’s in it?
Funny you should ask. When I think sandwich, I’m thinking you’re gonna take some assorted meats and/or cheeses and throw it between a couple slices of bread. If you’re human, and not some kind of evil robot that laughs at the puny human digestive tract for its lack of efficiency, you probably consider that a sandwich too. Guess what? You’re fucking wrong!
"Your need to poop will be your downfall."
The Double Down(!) doesn’t need your wimpy bread. KFC looked at every other sandwich on the planet and said “You know what this sandwich needs instead of bread? More fucking meat!” So they replaced any bread content the Double Down(!) may have had with two whole chicken breasts. I can hear you already “that’s not a sandwich, Joe, you’re just stuffing two whole chicken breasts in your mouth,” and any other day you’d be right. But not today, Mary Jane! In order to make it qualify as a real sandwich (according to the rulings set forth by the mysterious International Sandwich Standards Committee), it had to have other stuff in the middle. So, what’d they do? They shoved some more meat in there. Bacon, in fact! And how ’bout some cheese, why not? What kind of cheese? Monterey Jack and Pepper Jack alright with you, Susie? Fuck it, let’s slather some spicy sauce on there and call it a meal!
Meat, meat, and cheese!
You’re really worked up about this. Is it any good?
Is it any good? Is it any good?! It’s meat, and cheese, and more meat! Of course it’s good. And a hearty helping of that addictive substance the Colonel puts in it to make you crave it fort-nightly doesn’t hurt either.
"That's not crazy."
The only way this sandwich could be any better is if they served it swimming in a tub of mashed potatoes and gravy. That, or offer it with the Colonel’s Crispy® recipe. Unfortunately, it’s only offered in grilled and Original® recipe (mashed potatoes and gravy sold separately).
Damn that sounds good. What’s the catch?
The catch is that it’ll probably kill you.
Double Down(!) Nutritional Facts
| Sandwich | Calories | Fat (g) | Sodium (mg) |
|---|---|---|---|
| KFC Original Recipe® Double Down | 540 | 32 | 1380 |
| KFC Grilled Double Down | 460 | 23 | 1430 |
And, although it’s about as good for you as drinking a tall glass of bacon grease with a salt chaser, it’s still better than just about anything you can get at McDonald’s or Burger King.
Update
The question arose: What would you drink with a meal as decadent as the Double Down(!) that could possibly match it? My friends, the answer is a simple one:
A bacon-mug filled with nacho cheese!
I’m a fatass and my hardened arteries that ooze within me like a Lethian river of grease endorse this message.
They could batter and deep-fry the whole thing… but Panko batter might be too much. I’d suggest something light, like tempura batter.
OR, if you wanted to go the other route, you could simply use cornmeal batter and make the Ultimate Hush Puppy…