Emilio Estevez, Mick Jagger, Anthony Hopkins; If you’re anything like me, the first thing you would picture in your mind would be something like this:

Freaking Awesome

However, this odd trio will not be performing any dated rock ballads for us today. Instead, we indulge ourselves with the 1992 Sci-Fi hit “freejack.” Lets start off with a synopsis shall we?

In 2009, they have a method called “jacking” that allows certain rich individuals to pull bodies from the past in order to transfer their minds into these bodies via computer, thus prolonging their lifespan. To accomplish this task, they employ a bonejacker named Vacendak (Mick Jagger) to..

Bonejacker? Seriously? This is too good not to have some fun with.

Re-presenting Mark’s synopsis on “Freejack”, using dirty innuendo!

Ok, so in the future, there is this thing called jacking. Rich geezers indulge in this sport of jacking in order to prolong their life. But the thing is, they have to jack young men from the past, because in the present people are too sickly to be a suitable option for jacking. In order to propery pull off a good jacking, the geezer needs to employ a “bonejack” by the name of Vacendak(Mick Jagger) to get the job done right. So our hero, Alex Furlong (Emilio!!), is ripped from the past, seconds before death, to find himself in the year 2009, confronted with somebody who wants to jack his bone.

Alex escapes getting jacked the first time, as is branded as a “Freejack”, Since he was prepped for a good jacking, and somehow got free. The entire world is offered a reward of 15 million dollars in return for his unharmed capture, because they want him in good shape for the jacking. He runs into his former girlfriend “Julie Redlund”(Rene Russo) who despite getting on in years, seems to have no interest in jacking him herself. Really preferring not to have his bone jacked, Alex artfully avoids capture multiple times from Vacendak, until he finally ends up face to face with his would be jacker. the geezer is running out of time, and desperately needs to jack Alex. Alex is captured and the jacking commences, but the jacking is interrupted by Julie (perhaps she wants to jack him later?), and Vacendak, Impressed with Alex’s ability to avoid his attempted bone jacking. Vacendak, no longer with the desire to jack Alex’s bone, helps him fool the world into thinking that the jacking was successful (despite the fack that there was little to no jacking that ever happened), and Alex is allowed to live care free, and jack free (for now…) ….the end?

Innuendo aside, When our editor and chief first put this movie in front of my eyes, I brimmed with excitement. It was everything I expected, Emilio was awesome, Hopkins was nice and evil, and Mick Jaggers acting was as terrible as he is photogenic (sorry Mick, you’re still awesome though)

Terrible acting aside (Mick Jagger has the emotional range of a piñata), I’m not sure this movie would have worked without his over-the-top “Mad Max” style clothing and vehicles that somehow were the polar opposite of everything else in this futuristic world. I’ve got to wonder if Jagger had his finger in the pie and wanted everything to look like that on purpose, or if that truly was the directors intent. It was,none the less, quite fun to watch. I laughed my ass off as I noticed the encroaching “goofy ass helmet” duel between him and Emilio, that was sadly short lived.

Emilio is the reason you’re all here reading this right now I’m sure, and his performance was a solid one. He fit the role well, and had some solid one liners that were the tradition of that awkward era of transition (1980’s-1990’s). Without our plucky little hero, Emilio, this film wouldn’t have worked either.

Pull it! you know you want to...

Aside from laughing at what they expected 2009 technology to resemble, the movie didn’t really feel as dated as i had expected it would, the effects worked for its time, and didn’t come off as ridiculously cheesy as i had expected. the acting for the most part worked, at times i felt myself a little pulled into the movie before Mick Jagger came prancing onto the scene again to remind my brain that there are things to be mocked here. All an all, it was a good, enjoyable film.

Another good reason to watch this movie, was the foul mouthed, gun touting, groin kicking nun, played by Amanda Plummer. Her screen time was brief, but the impression was a lasting one. So to all you foul mouthed, gun touting nuns out there, I salute you!

And to the rest of you nuns, shame on you for not making me laugh all these years.